Gossip

Unjustified validity of opinion

Shh.

Seek truth.

In its rawest form.

Not opinion.

The difference.

Emotion versus Reality.

My source.

God.

Be built on truth.

Not opinion.

Overcome.

Trusting.

Last year, i was able to write freely. I don't know what changed. But i do know i feel better when i'm not the only one inside my head. If that makes sense.

To be honest, putting how i feel in words is sometimes a struggle because it can't always justify how i feel. I don't strive for eloquence (obvious) but just honesty.

My heart. Whether i'm talking about a book, my hair, a video, or my life. It's honest.

I think i'll start writing more.

Thank you for the encouraging comments, emails, and tweets in regards to my last post. There are some things i keep private. Not for always. But for now. Vague. i know.

I guess to say the least, things are better now. More so then i could have even imagined. My emotions really took me for a ride. I let them of course. But Obedience beyond feeling has truly set me free.

p.s. C.S. Lewis is the man.

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." C.S. Lewis

Listen

I just want to hear Gods voice.

and know.

that I know.

that I know.

His word for my life.

I need to make a decision. 

Based on the plans He has for me.

I wouldn't care what anyone else said.

IF I knew what He said.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jermiah 29:11-12 NLT

Trying to Please

The displeased.

I'm only human.

Two very different worlds with equally high expectations.

The thought of trying to please everyone 

At the cost of losing myself makes me sick inside.

I need to stop taking things so personal.

There's more to words then the pain that lingers.

I just need understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

 do not depend on your own understanding.

A Tarnished Condition

Induced by a contaminated ambition.

There's a taste in my mouth that's kept me from eating

not physical food but the nourishment I'm needing

To breathe

To grow

To overcome

To know

That what was inflicted

Could not be predicted.

But redeemed and made right

By his glory and light.

My heart burns for justice

for closure 

for healing

for something more then a feeling

i can't make right what i cannot control

but choose to let go of the pieces i hold

in my hands 

they are bleeding

from constantly needing 

something more.

it's too heavy to bare 

this Bitterness.

Lord, help me.

"Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it" Psalm 81:10

Box

At times I get discouraged with the "place" the world puts me. I don't claim to be anything more than human. I just strive to be more Christ like in all I do.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, that I’ve never doubted, or never sinned. It doesn’t mean I’ve lived a sheltered life of forced religion taught by my parents.
It doesn’t mean I’ll judge others who have chosen to live a different life style or are a different religion then me.

It means, to me, that I’ve made a choice.
To focus on what God wants for me.
To live a life full of purpose according to his will.
To love people, instead of worrying about where they're at in life.
To be honest and sincere in my actions.
To live a life above reproach and questioning.
To set aside my wants and desires for his glory.
To do what is right, not because I feel I have to but because I have an understanding that I’m worth more than the pressures and standards of mans opinion of me.

To be a living sacrifice.

The "box" and its four small walls, built out of pre conceived thoughts, enclosed with the bondage of stereo typical allegations justified by previous acquaintances claiming to be the same but acted in a hypocritical manner.

This box.


Cannot contain me.

Stand

Opinion: A personal assumption of the way a person perceives the reality of a situation, person, or topic. Not always but often times can be based off a stereo typed conclusion influenced by appearance, first impression, religion, sexuality, wealth, ect. A noun held in such high regard it has the ability to persuade the human mind into believing its factual even if it’s unsupported by actual fact and confronted by truth. It has the ability to destroy years of built up dreams, character, integrity, confidence and hope in only a matter of seconds of being uttered. Its presence can linger for many years without being noticed and is also capable of resurfacing without warning.

But when surrendered to the right foundation it can be a wonderful building block in person’s life.

Opinions are given with a choice.

1. To take it into consideration, separating truth from fact.
or

2. To take as full truth.

I have a teachable spirit and take everything into consideration

But

If it doesn’t line up with a firm foundation, the word of God in my case, I won’t allow myself to take it to heart. Not to say I don’t get discouraged from time to time by my plentiful critics. Cause I do. I’m human and far from perfect. But I’m striving to be something more than average. Which, isn’t the easiest thing to do in a world controlled by the media and over rated, highly valued opinions that are distorted by lust, greed, and the illusion of happiness. But I’m tired of the world telling me who I am.

[I’m sure I’m not alone]

So, I’ll stand.

Note to self:

Don’t let the world’s opinion stop you from being who you’re called to be. Even if you feel like everyone is against you. Stand. Cause sometimes that’s all you need to do to make a difference.

“…Let God be true, and every man a liar”-Romans 3:4

“…a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.”-Romans 2:29

The Reality of Reality, Is.

I don't want to believe it.

I don't even want to speak it out.

My bubble i've been living in, my protection, my invincibility has been penetrated by a single word. I'm not nieve to think things like this don't happen. I'm fully aware. Just, never prepared for how it would feel when I heard it in regards to someone I love. 

I could be selfish and say, "I'm not ready for you to leave" "I'm terrible at goodbyes" "I want my kids to someday know you" "I don't know who I'm gonna go to when I need that special hug, only you can give" "What'll I do if youre gone? Who will encourage me? Who will listen to me the way you do?" "Please don't go. I need you."

But reality is, I cannot stop time. Nor do I have the capacity to understand the big picture in how it all works. There is truth in reality and although I don't want to see it, I cannot deny it's presence. 

Tomorrow is promised to no one. But, there is hope in today.

Jesus help me understand.

mm.

my Heart hurts.

that is all.

Someday, I'll learn.

Oh, the bitter sweet consequences of irresponsible actions.

Just one of the many life lessons I seem to be learning this year.

I enjoy the fact that I am growing and am able to avoid history repeating itself, but sometimes I wish I could just learn things the normal way (if there is such a thing). Seems as if, I always take the alternative route of needing to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. It’s like my life is under constant reconstruction. I think I know what I’m doing and the minute I get comfortable I find myself flat on my face, having to learn all over again. I guess you could say it keeps me humble. But man does it hurt.

I feel so broken.

Time to dust off what I thought I knew and learn what He’s trying to teach me.

Hmph.

Youtube Quiz Thing

Stole this from AmazingPhil :D

Username:

Strawburry17

Why did you pick it?:

i made it in 7th grade as my AIM sn and it stuck ever since. Also, Strawberry17 was taken.

Who did you first subscribe to?:

TheHill88

Who did you most recently subscribe to?:

It was actually my brother! haha "Dayviideo"

What does your last text message say?:

"Kill em! LOL" -Cory

Do you have any goals?:

More then i could count!

What was the last thing you bought?:

Cranberry juice and a danish.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?:

A amazing half man half lion individual! XD

Are you excited about anything?:

Oh, yes. I'm excited to be breathing! eap eap!

Do you have a crush?

Something like that.

Have you ever been drunk?:

I have many a times, in my past. 2 years sober! WOOP!

Who was the first Youtube you met in real life?:

RockinBlueWit<3

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?:

Zacharyxbinks<3

Do you pefer day or night?:

I love the day but often times sleep through it :/

Are you a member of any collab channels?:

VLOGCANDY

Do you have a secret account?:

Strawburry17Responds

Do you believe in God?:

With all my heart.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?:

Tie between Nanalew and Zacharyxbinks

Which Youtuber do you think makes the best videos?:

MichaelAranda's are pretty great.

You may only subscrie to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?:

AHHH! this is hard :/
Zacharyxbinks
DudeneedaEaseonup
HurricaneAubrey
AndrewBravener
NanarockinbluelewWit.

Are you in a relationship?:

No, I am not.

would you date a smoker?:

No.

Where is your favourite place?:

Yosemite, CA. I would get married there if i could.

Are you a happy person?:

Oh yes! Very.

Would you kiss the person who posted this?:

The next man i kiss will be after the words "I do." Sorry Phil :P

What would you take to the desert island? :

A Harpoon (incase the whale try and kill me) A White Volley Ball to be my "Wilson", My Bible, Plenty of food and water, a friend or two maybe, maybe i'll just bring my house, yes?

Do you prefer sun or snow?:

I'm from California. Sun is a MUST!

Who did you last speak to on the phone?

Whitney (RockinBlueWit)

Who did you last text?:

My brother

What are you doing tommorow?:

Working then I have leadership :]

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?:

BBQ!

What size are your feet?:

8 :]

What do you want?:

It would be nice to have a Valentine.

What do you need?:

More of God.

What do you remember?:

EVERYTHING!

What do you wish?:

I want a pet dragon like in Eragon.

Confess:

Your feet smell.

Honesty. Do you want people to anonymously post what they REALLY Think of you ?

My confidence does not fall into anonymous comments of others, but if you feel willed to post, i wouldnt stop you.

Yo, Monday!

So i got a new hair cut...

I don't know if i like em... yet.
Oh, well. HEY GUESS WHAT TODAY'S MONDAY! Woo!
RIP weekend. I barely knew thee.
So, today i will be filming. I'm hoping to have my video finished and edited by tomorrow morning. It's a cute one so i wanna take time and make it PERFECT! muahaha! also i'll be on blogtv tomorrow! i'm thinking around 4ish.
That's not certain, but i'm thinking somewhere around there.Oh, i tried wishing everyone a happy monday but i had to write it out backwards on account of isight being a STUPID!

But anywho have a great week <3

Partner

Dear Strawburry17,

As you may have heard, we're expanding the YouTube Partner Program and we thought you may be a good candidate. Becoming a partner will enable you to participate in ad revenue sharing and new syndication opportunities.

Here's what you need to do:

• Sign in to YouTube and click this link: http://www.youtube.com/partners
• Fill out the required information and submit. You will receive an email with instructions on the next steps to becoming a YouTube partner!

If you'd rather not receive future emails from us regarding new programs, please let us know and we can remove you from our mailing list.

All the best,
The YouTube Partner Support Team

OH YEAH!!!

21 days

"Here is my heart. Here is my heart. Here is my heart."
"You can have it all"

Goodbye

These are my last Goodbyes for all of 2008.

Sadly, I'm a bit late [since its already '09]
but I've seemed to drag a few things from the past year with me to the present.
So, I'm saying goodbye to what was and holding onto the memories of what were, but furthermore, I'm choosing to grow, move on, and start fresh.

Goodbye, Inconsistency, in all areas of my life.
Goodbye, Depression, induced by my home life and isolated self pity.
Goodbye, Wasted tears over a dead friendship, I managed to hold onto for yet another year.
Goodbye, Anger, caused by who you haven't been in my life. I've already forgiven you.
Goodbye, Jealousy, I never really liked how you made me act anyways.
Goodbye, Phantom Pain in my heart. I knew why the pain existed but I also knew what had already been mended.
Goodbye, You, I will never understand what made things so different, but it was. A part of my heart wishes it wasn't, but a bigger piece of my heart knew more then that little piece could fathom. I don't imagine things ever being the same, and that's why I'm saying goodbye.
I know You differently now.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
.2008.

Nostalgia

In the past,
I had struggled with the thought of missing someone i had only known from the confines of my computer screen, but now I am in a position where i struggle with the thought of missing someone who has been far more then just a face behind a screen.

He is Someone I have had the honor of being able to get lost with on the endless one way streets of San Francisco. Someone, who i got past the third level of a first person shooter game at the local putt putt, not to mention made fun of me the whole time for the way I held the silly plastic gun. Oh, this someone I could honestly say has changed who I am completely for all of 2008.

Again, This someone I'm missing will never be just a person, but will always be one of my dearest friends.

Also,

This is something i could never escape or deny,
but Strawburry17 will always be madly in love with Mr. Zacharyxbinks, but as far as Meghan and Zachary goes, well, I would only hope a strong friendship would remain in their permanent future for ever and ever <3