Thursday, November 4, 2010


I’m not familiar with the feeling or seeing everything in boxes. It’s so weird. If i ever moved away from my family i’d be so heart broken.

Not to say that I won’t. Cause eventually i will... I am 23 so i’m sure moving away at one point in time in my life will be a healthy grown up decision. Honestly, when i was 16 i couldn't wait for day i was able to move out on my house. But i was definitely in a different place then as far as my heart and mindset towards family. Just this past year has my family been able to truly get past all of our differences and love each other. It’s a great feeling especially being that my mom was sick for so long I had forgotten what it was like to have a mom. That being said you may understand my “heart broken” dilemma.

Any who! I’ve yet to unpack. Maybe my room will stay cleaner if i just leave everything in boxes. Although i’m missing my favorite BDG skinny jeans... I should probably unpack. Currently only 5 items in my closet are hung up and i don’t even remember the last time i wore them. 4 out the 5 are long sleeved shirts i keep as under sleeves for when i’ll eventually go snowboarding again. Which reminds me did that obama law really pass? Cause if i can get insurance i definitely want to start skating/snowboarding again. I couldn’t even begin to describe how much i miss skateboarding.

I used to wake up at 5:30am head to Ripon skatepark and wouldn't leave until it was too dark to see the park. That was like my saturday ritual back in the day. I had the sweetest board set up too. I’ve never been too picky with my decks but i really like size 8’s for when i’m carving and if you’ve ever been to ripon skatepark you’d know the transitions are some of the smoothest in cali. I rode pink krux that had been broken in so they were as smooth as the bowls i was carving. China bones bearings and 53mm spitfire wheels. I miss that board. It was stolen a while back at a church gathering in a park. Hopefully the person who took it got as much use out of it as i did. What the heck is up with me and stuff getting stolen?! I need to attach velcro strips to everything i take outside of my house. so that if anything is ever taken i’ll hear that annoying detaching sound and be able to apprehend the thief with my fine set of ninja skills.

hmm... i should learn karate. Or what ever it is that white hair asian dude taught Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill. *adds to list of things to do before i die*

There are somethings that give me the feeling of being absolutely free and detached from everything. I don’t do these things as often as i’d like. The 3 being Worship, Skateboarding, and hiking in yosemite. Sounds crazy but i feel at home when i’m doing any of those 3 things. not all at once. but if that were possible THATD BE AWESOME! I digress, I get a peace knowing everything is gonna be alright maybe more so the reassurance when i’m worshiping. Being able to talk with god at any given moment makes him feel less distant and when i worship him i feel closer to his heart. When i’m skating its the closest i feel to flying. Gravity always makes sure i don’t leave the ground for too long but when i’m able to be in the air, even if its only a split second, i’m flying. When i’m hiking in yosemite i’m inspired by every beautiful thing around me. Reassured that if i’m captivated by what God made so effortlessly how much more time he put into making me, his daughter, imperfections and insecurities are written off when i’m reminded of those things. Like i said. it just feels like home.

You would think film would be under that feeling of being home but its way different from that. When i think of an idea for a video there is something that takes me over. I seriously can’t think of anything else until i see that vision come to pass. It’s like my mind goes crazy until i’m able to see in front of me what i could only see when my were eyes closed. Its a passion of mine. Definitely an artistic outlet. I’ve also always enjoyed making others laugh. My minds all over the place right now. I just haven't written anything in a while and wanted to. I think i’ll try going back to bed now. I technically went to bed at 9 something but no matter what i do i always wake up at 2am. My body is weird. Possibly as weird as my inconsistent sleeping patterns.