Moving

I’m not familiar with the feeling or seeing everything in boxes. It’s so weird. If i ever moved away from my family i’d be so heart broken.

Not to say that I won’t. Cause eventually i will... I am 23 so i’m sure moving away at one point in time in my life will be a healthy grown up decision. Honestly, when i was 16 i couldn't wait for day i was able to move out on my house. But i was definitely in a different place then as far as my heart and mindset towards family. Just this past year has my family been able to truly get past all of our differences and love each other. It’s a great feeling especially being that my mom was sick for so long I had forgotten what it was like to have a mom. That being said you may understand my “heart broken” dilemma.

Any who! I’ve yet to unpack. Maybe my room will stay cleaner if i just leave everything in boxes. Although i’m missing my favorite BDG skinny jeans... I should probably unpack. Currently only 5 items in my closet are hung up and i don’t even remember the last time i wore them. 4 out the 5 are long sleeved shirts i keep as under sleeves for when i’ll eventually go snowboarding again. Which reminds me did that obama law really pass? Cause if i can get insurance i definitely want to start skating/snowboarding again. I couldn’t even begin to describe how much i miss skateboarding.

I used to wake up at 5:30am head to Ripon skatepark and wouldn't leave until it was too dark to see the park. That was like my saturday ritual back in the day. I had the sweetest board set up too. I’ve never been too picky with my decks but i really like size 8’s for when i’m carving and if you’ve ever been to ripon skatepark you’d know the transitions are some of the smoothest in cali. I rode pink krux that had been broken in so they were as smooth as the bowls i was carving. China bones bearings and 53mm spitfire wheels. I miss that board. It was stolen a while back at a church gathering in a park. Hopefully the person who took it got as much use out of it as i did. What the heck is up with me and stuff getting stolen?! I need to attach velcro strips to everything i take outside of my house. so that if anything is ever taken i’ll hear that annoying detaching sound and be able to apprehend the thief with my fine set of ninja skills.

hmm... i should learn karate. Or what ever it is that white hair asian dude taught Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill. *adds to list of things to do before i die*

There are somethings that give me the feeling of being absolutely free and detached from everything. I don’t do these things as often as i’d like. The 3 being Worship, Skateboarding, and hiking in yosemite. Sounds crazy but i feel at home when i’m doing any of those 3 things. not all at once. but if that were possible THATD BE AWESOME! I digress, I get a peace knowing everything is gonna be alright maybe more so the reassurance when i’m worshiping. Being able to talk with god at any given moment makes him feel less distant and when i worship him i feel closer to his heart. When i’m skating its the closest i feel to flying. Gravity always makes sure i don’t leave the ground for too long but when i’m able to be in the air, even if its only a split second, i’m flying. When i’m hiking in yosemite i’m inspired by every beautiful thing around me. Reassured that if i’m captivated by what God made so effortlessly how much more time he put into making me, his daughter, imperfections and insecurities are written off when i’m reminded of those things. Like i said. it just feels like home.

You would think film would be under that feeling of being home but its way different from that. When i think of an idea for a video there is something that takes me over. I seriously can’t think of anything else until i see that vision come to pass. It’s like my mind goes crazy until i’m able to see in front of me what i could only see when my were eyes closed. Its a passion of mine. Definitely an artistic outlet. I’ve also always enjoyed making others laugh. My minds all over the place right now. I just haven't written anything in a while and wanted to. I think i’ll try going back to bed now. I technically went to bed at 9 something but no matter what i do i always wake up at 2am. My body is weird. Possibly as weird as my inconsistent sleeping patterns.

KIRK OUT

Be in MY NEW MUSIC VIDEO!

Hey Everyone!

I KNOW WHAT YOURE THINKING! "Holy crap shoot Meghan this is a long script!" I promise it'll only take you 10 minutes tops to film and the editing only took me 5 including rendering!

any who!

This is my first ever collab video with the Burries! I'm way excited to be able to create somin awesome with you guys! The song were going to be using is I Wouldn't Mind By He Is We. If you dont have the song yet get it for free here: http://bit.ly/dupni8

FILE TYPE:
Render your video to one of the five file types:
Video Files: .mov, .avi, .mts, .mp4, and mpg.

No .wmv's or .flv's. Sorry :/ This is a big project and i'd spend the majority of my time converting if everyone sent me wmv's/flv's.

ASPECT RATIO:
Output needs to be 720x480 or higher [720x1280, 1080x1440, or 1080x1920]. This is a standard export size. Just make sure before you render the video it'll be this size.

If you don't know how to do this you can google "16:9 render settings [insert your editing software]" and some good sources will show you how!

Send clips Via this website:
http://www.yousendit.com
OR
http://www.megaupload.com

SEND TO THIS EMAIL:
imaburry@gmail.com

OK! Now that thats out of the way lets get to the fun part!

I'll be lip dubbing to the song and creatively incorporating your videos in them as well.

SHOT:

my shot set up:

Have a solid background or wall behind you for filming or a really pretty place outside around grass and trees. I usually just hang up a sheet or small blanket! When filming the camera should be 3 feet away from you [so youre awesome face will be up close and awesome looking for the video] and position yourself in the center of the frame like this:

LOOK I'M IN THE MIDDLE!

LIGHTING:

my shot set up:

any type of lighting source you have would be good if youre filming indoors. A desk lamp, flood light, lamp, whatever you got. Try and make sure your face is evenly lit so theres no hard shadows. Like this:

SHADOWY LIGHTING

NOT SHADOWY.

SCRIPT:

Heres the downloadable script for when youre filming!:

http://www.box.net/shared/9shkv7arhq

Theres 10 different scenes! Theyre super easy and i have examples to give you a general idea :) I uploaded the videos individually for example purposes but please send me all of them together in one rendered file! :)

Color code:
lyrics
lip singing
actions/acting

-Everyone-
1. 7 seconds of you staring at the camera. you can smile or just be natural. stay in one place though without hand movements. (this will feel like forever)

2. Merrily we fall -6 seconds of you swaying back and forth then falling out of the shot.

***NOTE SCENE 3 AND 4 ARE IN ONE CLIP!***


3. We're not going anywhere until we freeze-6 seconds of you pretending youre humming or singing as if notes were coming out of your mouth then dramatically freezing for two seconds before lip singing the next two lines immediately after. you can stare at the camera when you freeze or pose how ever you'd like.

4. I'm not afraid anymore
-lip sing these two lines
I'm not afraid.


5. But I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.-look to your left for 4 seconds and smile as if there was someone next to you. look to your right for 4 seconds and smile as if there was someone next to you.

6. You came and you took this heart
-7 seconds of an up hand heart.

7. Every word you write and sing is so warm to me.
-10 seconds of you holding up a hand drawn sun in marker (so it shows up!)

8. Tell me everyday 
I get to wake up to that smile.
-10 seconds of you smiling into the camera

9. I wouldn't mind it at all.
-lip sing these next two lines while taking glances to your left.
I wouldn't mind it at all.


10. 10 seconds- hold up your screen name on your hand, shirt, or a piece of paper (be as creative as you want and be as "goofy" as you'd life for this clip. it'll be at the end of the video giving you credit for helping make it. :)

WOOO!!! THATS IT! I know it seems like a lot but hopefully the pictures and video clip examples help!

DEADLINE:
SUNDAY JUNE 13, 2010
10PM PST

I know the deadline seems soon but these are pretty easy shots to film! Don't worry about your shots being perfect or what other people will think about them. This is gonna be such a neat video and my first collab with you! So film film film! and send your clips in asap! :)

-Meghan

Smile

The words I wanna say

Linger at the tip of my tongue

And leave a taste in my mouth

Of bitter sweet nostalgia

Maybe it's because you take my breath away 

Along with all the words I've wanted to say

You

Make

Me

Smile

"A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home" 

I fear

that I'm afraid of feeling anything outside of what I've known for the past 3 years.

3 years of my life

I've kept friendships minimal

to avoid feeling what it was like to lose someone I cared about

I've avoided social gatherings

to escape the feeling of being alone in a crowded room.

I've avoided relationships

because I remember how bad it hurts to give my heart away.

When any of these feelings start to become more of a possibility

I lose my grip, my footing, and my confidence in my complacency.

I'm afraid to feel more than I have felt.

I don't want to hurt

but I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.

I believe there's more to grasp than the grip.

and I can't escape or avoid how I feel right now.

I blame my heart.

"The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith" -1 Timothy 1:5

My Purpose

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

-Philippians 4:6

I worry about what i cant control and desperately try and control what i can.

But i cant.

It's like worrying if the sun will rise tomorrow.

even in a storm.

it shines above the clouds
rises and falls.

But not because of my worry.

but because of it's purpose.

i'm not the sun.
i'm not the one who controls it.
i'm just the one who benefits from its purpose.

My worrying is a distraction from my purpose.

Sometimes, i feel like i'm walking with out seeing

Breathing without believing
each breath that i take
wont be my last
chance to change

who I am.

I walk blindly in a comatose state of complacency.

My vision is impaired by the hands that I place in front of each eye
preventing them from seeing today's challenge and tomorrows victory.

"Light a way, on my love.
Light a way, from above.
Shine it down, lead me home,
Back to him."

Am I merely living without truly grasping the life that's in front of me?

Psalm 119:174-176

Love

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

I want to love like this.

Gossip

Unjustified validity of opinion

Shh.

Seek truth.

In its rawest form.

Not opinion.

The difference.

Emotion versus Reality.

My source.

God.

Be built on truth.

Not opinion.

Overcome.

Trusting.

Last year, i was able to write freely. I don't know what changed. But i do know i feel better when i'm not the only one inside my head. If that makes sense.

To be honest, putting how i feel in words is sometimes a struggle because it can't always justify how i feel. I don't strive for eloquence (obvious) but just honesty.

My heart. Whether i'm talking about a book, my hair, a video, or my life. It's honest.

I think i'll start writing more.

Thank you for the encouraging comments, emails, and tweets in regards to my last post. There are some things i keep private. Not for always. But for now. Vague. i know.

I guess to say the least, things are better now. More so then i could have even imagined. My emotions really took me for a ride. I let them of course. But Obedience beyond feeling has truly set me free.

p.s. C.S. Lewis is the man.

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." C.S. Lewis

Listen

I just want to hear Gods voice.

and know.

that I know.

that I know.

His word for my life.

I need to make a decision. 

Based on the plans He has for me.

I wouldn't care what anyone else said.

IF I knew what He said.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jermiah 29:11-12 NLT

Trying to Please

The displeased.

I'm only human.

Two very different worlds with equally high expectations.

The thought of trying to please everyone 

At the cost of losing myself makes me sick inside.

I need to stop taking things so personal.

There's more to words then the pain that lingers.

I just need understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

 do not depend on your own understanding.

A Tarnished Condition

Induced by a contaminated ambition.

There's a taste in my mouth that's kept me from eating

not physical food but the nourishment I'm needing

To breathe

To grow

To overcome

To know

That what was inflicted

Could not be predicted.

But redeemed and made right

By his glory and light.

My heart burns for justice

for closure 

for healing

for something more then a feeling

i can't make right what i cannot control

but choose to let go of the pieces i hold

in my hands 

they are bleeding

from constantly needing 

something more.

it's too heavy to bare 

this Bitterness.

Lord, help me.

"Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it" Psalm 81:10

Box

At times I get discouraged with the "place" the world puts me. I don't claim to be anything more than human. I just strive to be more Christ like in all I do.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, that I’ve never doubted, or never sinned. It doesn’t mean I’ve lived a sheltered life of forced religion taught by my parents.
It doesn’t mean I’ll judge others who have chosen to live a different life style or are a different religion then me.

It means, to me, that I’ve made a choice.
To focus on what God wants for me.
To live a life full of purpose according to his will.
To love people, instead of worrying about where they're at in life.
To be honest and sincere in my actions.
To live a life above reproach and questioning.
To set aside my wants and desires for his glory.
To do what is right, not because I feel I have to but because I have an understanding that I’m worth more than the pressures and standards of mans opinion of me.

To be a living sacrifice.

The "box" and its four small walls, built out of pre conceived thoughts, enclosed with the bondage of stereo typical allegations justified by previous acquaintances claiming to be the same but acted in a hypocritical manner.

This box.


Cannot contain me.

Stand

Opinion: A personal assumption of the way a person perceives the reality of a situation, person, or topic. Not always but often times can be based off a stereo typed conclusion influenced by appearance, first impression, religion, sexuality, wealth, ect. A noun held in such high regard it has the ability to persuade the human mind into believing its factual even if it’s unsupported by actual fact and confronted by truth. It has the ability to destroy years of built up dreams, character, integrity, confidence and hope in only a matter of seconds of being uttered. Its presence can linger for many years without being noticed and is also capable of resurfacing without warning.

But when surrendered to the right foundation it can be a wonderful building block in person’s life.

Opinions are given with a choice.

1. To take it into consideration, separating truth from fact.
or

2. To take as full truth.

I have a teachable spirit and take everything into consideration

But

If it doesn’t line up with a firm foundation, the word of God in my case, I won’t allow myself to take it to heart. Not to say I don’t get discouraged from time to time by my plentiful critics. Cause I do. I’m human and far from perfect. But I’m striving to be something more than average. Which, isn’t the easiest thing to do in a world controlled by the media and over rated, highly valued opinions that are distorted by lust, greed, and the illusion of happiness. But I’m tired of the world telling me who I am.

[I’m sure I’m not alone]

So, I’ll stand.

Note to self:

Don’t let the world’s opinion stop you from being who you’re called to be. Even if you feel like everyone is against you. Stand. Cause sometimes that’s all you need to do to make a difference.

“…Let God be true, and every man a liar”-Romans 3:4

“…a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.”-Romans 2:29

The Reality of Reality, Is.

I don't want to believe it.

I don't even want to speak it out.

My bubble i've been living in, my protection, my invincibility has been penetrated by a single word. I'm not nieve to think things like this don't happen. I'm fully aware. Just, never prepared for how it would feel when I heard it in regards to someone I love. 

I could be selfish and say, "I'm not ready for you to leave" "I'm terrible at goodbyes" "I want my kids to someday know you" "I don't know who I'm gonna go to when I need that special hug, only you can give" "What'll I do if youre gone? Who will encourage me? Who will listen to me the way you do?" "Please don't go. I need you."

But reality is, I cannot stop time. Nor do I have the capacity to understand the big picture in how it all works. There is truth in reality and although I don't want to see it, I cannot deny it's presence. 

Tomorrow is promised to no one. But, there is hope in today.

Jesus help me understand.

mm.

my Heart hurts.

that is all.

Someday, I'll learn.

Oh, the bitter sweet consequences of irresponsible actions.

Just one of the many life lessons I seem to be learning this year.

I enjoy the fact that I am growing and am able to avoid history repeating itself, but sometimes I wish I could just learn things the normal way (if there is such a thing). Seems as if, I always take the alternative route of needing to learn EVERYTHING the hard way. It’s like my life is under constant reconstruction. I think I know what I’m doing and the minute I get comfortable I find myself flat on my face, having to learn all over again. I guess you could say it keeps me humble. But man does it hurt.

I feel so broken.

Time to dust off what I thought I knew and learn what He’s trying to teach me.

Hmph.

Youtube Quiz Thing

Stole this from AmazingPhil :D

Username:

Strawburry17

Why did you pick it?:

i made it in 7th grade as my AIM sn and it stuck ever since. Also, Strawberry17 was taken.

Who did you first subscribe to?:

TheHill88

Who did you most recently subscribe to?:

It was actually my brother! haha "Dayviideo"

What does your last text message say?:

"Kill em! LOL" -Cory

Do you have any goals?:

More then i could count!

What was the last thing you bought?:

Cranberry juice and a danish.

Describe the person who posted this using one line?:

A amazing half man half lion individual! XD

Are you excited about anything?:

Oh, yes. I'm excited to be breathing! eap eap!

Do you have a crush?

Something like that.

Have you ever been drunk?:

I have many a times, in my past. 2 years sober! WOOP!

Who was the first Youtube you met in real life?:

RockinBlueWit<3

Who was the last Youtuber you met in real life?:

Zacharyxbinks<3

Do you pefer day or night?:

I love the day but often times sleep through it :/

Are you a member of any collab channels?:

VLOGCANDY

Do you have a secret account?:

Strawburry17Responds

Do you believe in God?:

With all my heart.

Which youtuber do you talk to the most?:

Tie between Nanalew and Zacharyxbinks

Which Youtuber do you think makes the best videos?:

MichaelAranda's are pretty great.

You may only subscrie to 5 channels and only watch their videos. who will they be?:

AHHH! this is hard :/
Zacharyxbinks
DudeneedaEaseonup
HurricaneAubrey
AndrewBravener
NanarockinbluelewWit.

Are you in a relationship?:

No, I am not.

would you date a smoker?:

No.

Where is your favourite place?:

Yosemite, CA. I would get married there if i could.

Are you a happy person?:

Oh yes! Very.

Would you kiss the person who posted this?:

The next man i kiss will be after the words "I do." Sorry Phil :P

What would you take to the desert island? :

A Harpoon (incase the whale try and kill me) A White Volley Ball to be my "Wilson", My Bible, Plenty of food and water, a friend or two maybe, maybe i'll just bring my house, yes?

Do you prefer sun or snow?:

I'm from California. Sun is a MUST!

Who did you last speak to on the phone?

Whitney (RockinBlueWit)

Who did you last text?:

My brother

What are you doing tommorow?:

Working then I have leadership :]

What is your favourite flavour of potato chips?:

BBQ!

What size are your feet?:

8 :]

What do you want?:

It would be nice to have a Valentine.

What do you need?:

More of God.

What do you remember?:

EVERYTHING!

What do you wish?:

I want a pet dragon like in Eragon.

Confess:

Your feet smell.

Honesty. Do you want people to anonymously post what they REALLY Think of you ?

My confidence does not fall into anonymous comments of others, but if you feel willed to post, i wouldnt stop you.

Yo, Monday!

So i got a new hair cut...

I don't know if i like em... yet.
Oh, well. HEY GUESS WHAT TODAY'S MONDAY! Woo!
RIP weekend. I barely knew thee.
So, today i will be filming. I'm hoping to have my video finished and edited by tomorrow morning. It's a cute one so i wanna take time and make it PERFECT! muahaha! also i'll be on blogtv tomorrow! i'm thinking around 4ish.
That's not certain, but i'm thinking somewhere around there.Oh, i tried wishing everyone a happy monday but i had to write it out backwards on account of isight being a STUPID!

But anywho have a great week <3

Partner

Dear Strawburry17,

As you may have heard, we're expanding the YouTube Partner Program and we thought you may be a good candidate. Becoming a partner will enable you to participate in ad revenue sharing and new syndication opportunities.

Here's what you need to do:

• Sign in to YouTube and click this link: http://www.youtube.com/partners
• Fill out the required information and submit. You will receive an email with instructions on the next steps to becoming a YouTube partner!

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All the best,
The YouTube Partner Support Team

OH YEAH!!!