Encouraged

Things are looking better and I'm staying Encouraged.
This weekend i went to my older brothers church and the message was really what i needed to hear. I feel renewed and like I've taken in a new wind.

My last entry i was so broken. Thank you for those who prayed for me. It helped so much. God's word is so true when says he will never give you more then you could handle. So i feel encouraged and really wanna seek a deeper relationship with God and truly go after his heart like David did.

observation: Back in the day the prophets didn't have a bible to go by like we have now. They went purely off of their relationship with God. (There's Power in Prayer)

Another Observation: We not only have the Word, but we also have the Holy Spirit. How much more are we capable of doing then the prophets who called down fire from heaven who had less then us now?

There has to be more to believing in God then where Christianity is topped off at right now. We're the generation that is supposed to be doing signs in wonders in his name. Healing people who are sick and raising the dead.. I'm sick of stories.
I wanna see reality and Be apart of it.

Side Note: I finished the 1st book of Narnia. Rocked my world. Unfortunately I'm still on the 3rd chapter of Mere Christianity... That book is so amazing. I don't wanna read through it.. i really want to understand it. even if it hurts my brain!

Burdened

I asked God to make my prayers like his..

I wanted to have a bigger burden for the lost, unloved, suicidal, confused, forgotten, and abused..

I've noticed that sometimes, the very thing i'm praying for is similar to what I'm going through. It helps knowing that you can help someone else through something you've conquered yourself.

I keep in mind, If I'm really burdened.. i won't give into the victim mentality of wondering "why me?"
but embrace my trials and have joy in knowing my faith is being tested as I'm going through it.

It's just hard..
vague i know..

If you can..
Pray for me.

Song: Brandon Heath
-Give me your eyes

My Guarded Heart

"My heart is guarded.
Only one person has the key"



I close my eyes, and try to image what my guarded heart would look like. My first thought, are these huge white walls, very similar to drywall, with no ending point. They are roughly 8 feet wide and are connected at each corner to take on the shape of a pentagon. The look of it is sturdy, but with the right amount of applied force, the thin plaster layering, can be penetrated. These walls are flawed, and will not do. If I were to settle with this type of protection, it would only be a matter of time before a boy with eloquent words and charm might discover the obvious weakness and have found his way closest to my heart. Only to mistreat it of course, on account of how easy it was to obtain. My weaknesses will be apparent to him, due to how close he was able to come in such a short amount of time. In moments of vulnerability he'll point them out to maintain control and take up ownership of my heart in the process. When he is done and has had his fill, he'll leave. Only to puncture another whole in my false sense of security I once called a wall. Leaving the treasure that was at one time inside, shattered, beyond repair of human hands, bleeding from wounds of rejection, insecurity, self hatred, depression, and inadequacy. Oh, this wall will not do. It may have sustained my heart for a short time in my younger years, but the durability needs to be solid and fortified, in order to contain this restored heart of mine.

Let me close my eyes, once again, and rethink this.

This time, there is not one wall, but multiple walls built of dense metals, welded together with only the finest craftsmanship. I take a closer look and notice the shape of the walls have changed. They no longer are in the form of a pentagon, but have now taken up the appearance of a sphere. With each layered wall there is an actual place of entry, unlike the previous one, allowing access closer to the heart but at a cost. The cost for entry is labeled above each door with the titles of friendship, trust, loyalty, commitment, covenant, Christ, love, and other key terms the foundation for a relationship is built upon. With each door that is passed through, entry for the next becomes harder. Unlike before, it's something to be work towards and not taken for granted. Access is not allowed by force but by patience and understanding. Mind you, character and integrity will be checked at every door, just to test the intentions of the seeker. Only one truly after my heart, not selfish emotions or desires, will get close enough to hear it beat.

I'm very fond of these walls. They're much better then the one built before it.
I would hope the one seeking after mine would have similar standards for his heart.


Considering only a Prince marries a Princess
And a King marries a Queen.


Proverbs 4:23
Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life.

Honors?

This sounds so lame but nothing gets me more pumped then seeing that cute lil baby ribbon at the bottom of my page... even if it is only for a day.


ahh, youtube.

In other breaking news.
I started in on my second book The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magicians Nephew. It is so amazinggg. That is a given being that Mr. C.S. Lewis is the author. But I was unaware of the greatness in these lil childlike books. So now I'm trying to tackle both Mere Christianity and Narnia. It's a good balance considering every time i read Mere Christianity my brain hurts from the hardcoreness that comes out of each paragraph. That book is so detailed someone wrote another book trying to explain it, Intense huh? Dear Lord.. I'm only on chapter 3 at the moment. Slowly but surely working my way into the book haha.

ill

Sickness: Suffering from pre-upload anxiety. Also known as PUA.

Syptoms: Doubt, nervousness, nail biting, worry, anxiousness, and inability to be reassured or comforted.

Cure: Nice Comments, Lots of Views, and a slap in the face.

Reading

A new Book!



The other day i went to an old used book store and seriously felt like a lil kid in a candy store.
i only purchased 3 books because i have a tendency of loading up on good book reading but never finishing. so i'll tackle 3 then go back to the book store and buy everything some more.

Books purchased:
Mere Christianity
The Screw tape Letters
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magicians Nephew

all by C.S. Lewis.
I read The Great Divorce by him and fell in love with his hardcore writing. Or as Shawna would put it "cheesecake writing".

Also Random side note. I went ice blocking today with a couple friends and let me tell you it was the most exhilarating thing I've ever done in my life.

End.

Blank

Hot cocoa anyone?



I lie, it's coffee. mm.
originally for Zack :)


Skype FTW<3

New Moves

By far, the best part of my day..



Google Uploader hacked the quality.
But i think you get the point of the sweet 4 step dance move.
Haha, I dare you to try it!
You'll have so much fun if you do.
I promise.

I came across a really neat scripture in John,
Jesus is speaking to the crowd of people who are accusing him of being demon possessed because they didn't understand his deep parables and teachings.

John 7:24
24 Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.”

Sigh.

Photo Shoot?

Today (technically yesterday) i went to the park and got my picture(s) taken. It was quite a lovely spot with a wonderful scenery and great lighting. The only thing is...

I'm a bit of weirdo when it comes to getting my picture taken.
I kid you not. Every single one of my school photos I look like a doofus.
The only picture that turned out decent was probably my kindergarten picture, only because I was adorable, and my senior picture.

I swear! It's like I can't relax and just get my picture taken. My whole body has to spaz out including my face. I remember thinking to myself "Meghan, keep a serious face! Quick! Think of something sad!" Then i'd think of something semi funny that was sad and i'd have a retarded half smile half sad face on. Bosh, pure madness.

Out of 700 pictures taken, I kept 17.

Possibly this will just be something I need to practice at.
You know, like normal body posture and regular smiling.
Opposed to awkward arm positions and over excited smiles.

Here's a few sweet ones from the collection. Unedited of course:






and I know what you're thinking already. "A Youtube shirt? Seriously Meghan?" I have an explanation. I had way stressed my self out about this photo shoot and when I got home I only had enough time to grab one outfit, which was the obvious, then had to leave. Also, I couldn't think of another one to wear...

Still pumped about the awesome blessing.
The whole photo shoot was free.
I'm excited to see the edited pics.

On a lighter note. I had a really good day at work. I was entertained, for a good portion of it, by a friends crazy story of an orphaned mini mouse.
Baha, Good Times.

Dream

Had a dream i went to the store and purchased, C.S. Lewis: The Screwtape Letters.

I really want to go buy it.
There is a huge possibility I will.
I mean, I am a big fan of making dreams come true.
Har.

Also, I'm really pumped for certain videos and channels that are happening soon.
I seriously can't wait!
New ideas, friendships, dreams, planning, outreaching, ahhh it's all so awesome.
Praise God!

So i had made a video stating that i was going to be on Blog TV at 8:30pm but was unable to actually go on until 9:11pm.
Epic Fail.
I felt really bad for my subs.. i'll send them candy in the mail so they'll feel better.
But, when i actually got around to co-hosting, with my good friend Tyler, our show was put on the front of blogtv!

I posed for the screen shot. haha
Idk if it happens regularly, but it was exciting!

Mm. New Start.

I'm going to start writing in this.

I was once very fond of my Livejournal
but unfortunately
not very fond of the audience.

So, I'll start here.
To escape what was there.

Plus, i really need to exercise my writing.
Especially if I'm not going to be in school for the next 4 months.

It'll be good.