Smile

The words I wanna say

Linger at the tip of my tongue

And leave a taste in my mouth

Of bitter sweet nostalgia

Maybe it's because you take my breath away 

Along with all the words I've wanted to say

You

Make

Me

Smile

"A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home" 

I fear

that I'm afraid of feeling anything outside of what I've known for the past 3 years.

3 years of my life

I've kept friendships minimal

to avoid feeling what it was like to lose someone I cared about

I've avoided social gatherings

to escape the feeling of being alone in a crowded room.

I've avoided relationships

because I remember how bad it hurts to give my heart away.

When any of these feelings start to become more of a possibility

I lose my grip, my footing, and my confidence in my complacency.

I'm afraid to feel more than I have felt.

I don't want to hurt

but I'd rather feel something than nothing at all.

I believe there's more to grasp than the grip.

and I can't escape or avoid how I feel right now.

I blame my heart.

"The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith" -1 Timothy 1:5

My Purpose

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

-Philippians 4:6

I worry about what i cant control and desperately try and control what i can.

But i cant.

It's like worrying if the sun will rise tomorrow.

even in a storm.

it shines above the clouds
rises and falls.

But not because of my worry.

but because of it's purpose.

i'm not the sun.
i'm not the one who controls it.
i'm just the one who benefits from its purpose.

My worrying is a distraction from my purpose.