Love

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (The Message)

I want to love like this.

Gossip

Unjustified validity of opinion

Shh.

Seek truth.

In its rawest form.

Not opinion.

The difference.

Emotion versus Reality.

My source.

God.

Be built on truth.

Not opinion.

Overcome.

Trusting.

Last year, i was able to write freely. I don't know what changed. But i do know i feel better when i'm not the only one inside my head. If that makes sense.

To be honest, putting how i feel in words is sometimes a struggle because it can't always justify how i feel. I don't strive for eloquence (obvious) but just honesty.

My heart. Whether i'm talking about a book, my hair, a video, or my life. It's honest.

I think i'll start writing more.

Thank you for the encouraging comments, emails, and tweets in regards to my last post. There are some things i keep private. Not for always. But for now. Vague. i know.

I guess to say the least, things are better now. More so then i could have even imagined. My emotions really took me for a ride. I let them of course. But Obedience beyond feeling has truly set me free.

p.s. C.S. Lewis is the man.

"Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." C.S. Lewis

Listen

I just want to hear Gods voice.

and know.

that I know.

that I know.

His word for my life.

I need to make a decision. 

Based on the plans He has for me.

I wouldn't care what anyone else said.

IF I knew what He said.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. ¹³ If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

Jermiah 29:11-12 NLT

Trying to Please

The displeased.

I'm only human.

Two very different worlds with equally high expectations.

The thought of trying to please everyone 

At the cost of losing myself makes me sick inside.

I need to stop taking things so personal.

There's more to words then the pain that lingers.

I just need understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

 do not depend on your own understanding.

A Tarnished Condition

Induced by a contaminated ambition.

There's a taste in my mouth that's kept me from eating

not physical food but the nourishment I'm needing

To breathe

To grow

To overcome

To know

That what was inflicted

Could not be predicted.

But redeemed and made right

By his glory and light.

My heart burns for justice

for closure 

for healing

for something more then a feeling

i can't make right what i cannot control

but choose to let go of the pieces i hold

in my hands 

they are bleeding

from constantly needing 

something more.

it's too heavy to bare 

this Bitterness.

Lord, help me.

"Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it" Psalm 81:10

Box

At times I get discouraged with the "place" the world puts me. I don't claim to be anything more than human. I just strive to be more Christ like in all I do.

This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, that I’ve never doubted, or never sinned. It doesn’t mean I’ve lived a sheltered life of forced religion taught by my parents.
It doesn’t mean I’ll judge others who have chosen to live a different life style or are a different religion then me.

It means, to me, that I’ve made a choice.
To focus on what God wants for me.
To live a life full of purpose according to his will.
To love people, instead of worrying about where they're at in life.
To be honest and sincere in my actions.
To live a life above reproach and questioning.
To set aside my wants and desires for his glory.
To do what is right, not because I feel I have to but because I have an understanding that I’m worth more than the pressures and standards of mans opinion of me.

To be a living sacrifice.

The "box" and its four small walls, built out of pre conceived thoughts, enclosed with the bondage of stereo typical allegations justified by previous acquaintances claiming to be the same but acted in a hypocritical manner.

This box.


Cannot contain me.